The greatest experience of all

It started as a tiny wish when I was in college.. A wish that I hoped would come true one day. Slowly, as the years went by, it blossomed into a desire... I was patient and waited for the desire to get fulfilled.. The desire finally became a desperate need.. And just when I was about to lose faith that perhaps my wish will stay a wish, it came true. I held my baby in my arms and felt his soft cheeks against mine. I am a mother now.

I am finally back! Or, am I?!

So I switched off the TV and logged out of facebook and instead plugged in some good old 'tera mujhse hain pehle ka nata koi'. Not that I was only facebooking or watching TV these years.. Anyway, I resolutely tapped on my blog icon, and immediately a big 'page cannot be displayed' showed up. My tablet, of all times, decides to let me down now! But I am determined not to let this go. I start typing offline. 

I am sure my non-existent fan club would want to know the reason for my absence for all these years. Well, honestly, I have no reason. I was too caught up life... I felt like writing a lot of times. I started writing quite a few times... But either I ditched them halfway. Or they turned up very personal or intimate... Not the type suited for blogging. Even before, I actually wrote much more for me than for anybody else. Anyway, pity that when I read through most of those stuff I don't like them now... Actually, now I remember, every time I would want to write something for my blog I would end up reading my previous posts and my urge to write would be completely lost. In a way, it's actually good that my tablet could not connect to the blog site... I would have again ended up reading my previous posts and lost my urge! 


I can feel myself getting completely lost again. So before this too gets crumbled and tossed (virtually) in a dustbin, I will stop. I intend to come back soon... But again, I intended to come back years before. :)

'Age old' theory.

"Maturity comes with age" or "One must behave according to one's age" and "I am too old for..." are just a few of the common 'age old' (pun intended) phrases that we get to hear. But does maturity really come with age? Or, more importantly does age define a person in any way? I don't think so. And here's why.


I have completed 4 years of job life.. and though my family and close friends claim that I am still a child at heart, I feel that I don't behave like a college-girl any more.. In other words, I have definitely become more mature. Now, I have quite a few colleagues in office who share the same year of birth as me, but have started working late. The reason is, they have tried different fields of studies and hence have had an extended college life. A few of my friends have left job after a year or two to pursue MBA and are thus again back in that college mould. They behave like college kids... Well I can't point out specific things that a typical-college-goer does and a 4-years-experienced-professional doesn't do. It's the general body language.. If I behave like them it would look exceedingly odd. But it looks perfectly natural on them. Why?

Because, while society expects them to behave like college students, I am expected to behave differently. And age has got nothing to do with it. I don't find it logical when people associate too much importance with the pen and paper age.. I mean, come on, you don't get up on your 26th birthday and suddenly feel that 'Yeah, I understand relationships much better, and why not! I am 26!'. That doesn't happen... It's the environment a person is in, the company a person keeps that matters. It's how old you think yourself to be that matters...

Infact, why do you need to think about age at all? Live your life, do what you want to and enjoy the birthday gifts every year... And don't be shocked when one fine morning you notice that there's more grey than black on your head. :)) That's how life is. :)

First Rains, My Bag and Life in general.

After months of excellent service, the zipper of the bag that I carry to office finally gave in. Yesterday being a holiday (rather Holi (day)), I decided to dedicate the evening in transferring my belongings from that bag to another one. In case you are wondering, yes, it did take me better half of the evening to complete the task. My friends in my previous project used to tease me saying that I always make plans of running away; hence I carry such a huge bag bursting with God-knows-what. Well every time I change bags, I start with a few basic things, then I keep stuffing one thing after another and finally something similar to what happened day before yesterday happens, that is either the zipper or one of the stitches give up, and well, time for a new one! And the same old process continues.

As I transferred things from my old bag to the new one I was surprised to discover a few things that I had been actually searching for quite some days now and had no idea that they were there in my bag! Most of the paper found their way to the dustbin (read floor) - countless ATM slips, shopper stop and pantaloon bills, scraps of paper where I noted things which were of utmost importance then, but probably I never took them out to consult twice! And there were a few other things also, things that I carry with me wherever I go. A note from a long lost friend, a coffee shop napkin containing a list of things that needs to be done.... Every time I transfer these from one bag to another I think of the time when I put them in my bag; Months or probably years have gone by since the day.... ....

I make separate piles of things that I would and would not carry in my bag. I keep those few things along with the ones which I would no longer carry in my bag. I move on to the next item.. However I don't stop thinking about those. Finally, they again find their way back to the safest corner of my new bag! How predictable I have become!

Late last night Calcutta experienced the first 'Kalbaisakhi' of the season. Kalbaisakhi, or Norwester, is known to be the messenger of change. It blows and washes away all the old leaves and branches and makes way for the new ones. 'Jak puraton smriti, jak bhule jawa geeti...'.. One entire wall of the room I sleep in has been kept open, with railing and glass panes of course (I am claustrophobic!), and thus looks like a pseudo balcony. At other times its nice to have an entire side open like this. But in times of storms like the one of yesterday night, when the entire glass and grill structure shakes and looks like the glass would break any moment it feels scary. I saw the tree in front of my window being ripped off the dry dead leaves and branches.. A crow was hanging on to the bits and pieces of what was left of it's nest.... As I sat on my bed and watched the fury unfold all that was going through my mind was of days past. I realized that perhaps it's not a good idea to wash away all that is past. Infact, it's not possible either to wash away all that's past. Will the tree forget the leaves that it had given birth to and that got blown away? Weird thought maybe, but I wish I knew how things work with trees! With humans, no matter how strong a storm they go through, it really cannot wash away anything that's past, be it good or bad. Yes, it might give a new perspective, a new way to look at old things.. a better understanding of how things were, that's it. And what is life if you don't have any sweet and sour memory to indulge in, specially on such a beautiful night!

Para Pujo

There’s no way you can sleep peacefully in our house during the Pujas. The dhak starts playing from 5am. And since the puja pandal is right in front of our house, we get to hear all the special sound effects up close and personal! When the dhakis stop after a while, tollywood takes over the ownership of the loudspeaker. Gradually, as the day proceeds, the soft Bengali old songs (sometimes shyama sangeet) give way to more recent ones. And finally, at around 11am Bollywood takes over. In the brief time it takes to change cassettes or cds in the player, the para young guns try out various experiments with the mike mouthpiece. Various sounds, like those of not-yet-discovered birds and animals, Amitabh Bachchan’ji, Shahrukh Khan’ji prototypes could be heard. Lots of personalized messages like ‘Haru, please get up from sleep and come to club immediately, else we are going to eat the chicken leg piece kept for you’ are also aired. The point is, since they are paying for the mike and loudspeaker for 24 hours, they make the best use of it.
For some reason, must be technical problem, the mike had stopped blasting for around an hour in the afternoon today. I took this opportunity to get some sleep. Now, my ‘sleep’ has a personality of it’s own. It doesn’t come when I need it most and beg for it to come. My eyes would be tired and begging for want of sleep, and yet it would not come. Anyway, after trying for quite some time, finally I fell asleep. Not even 5 minutes had gone when the mike again started blasting. This time, not with dhak or music or any tomfoolery. A polished voice, with perfect pronunciation started announcing, the contents of which on being translated from Bengali to English would be: ‘On behalf of the club, I take this opportunity to invite all the respected residents of the locality to a very special evening arranged specially for you all, on the eve of Maha Shashthi. In the role of the two protagonists, we present you Uttam Kumar and Suchitra Sen. Music arranged by Hemanta Mukhopadhyay. Songs to be sung by Manna Dey, Lata Mangeshkar, Kishore Kumar and Asha Bhonsle. Entire show will be compered by Mukesh Kumar. We request you all to grace the occasion with your presence’. Heaven knows where they get such ideas from! Even though this woke me up from my much needed sleep, I was really amused. The mike is again back to belting popular numbers now.
I went and checked from our pandal-facing window just now that they have actually made a small stage! Seems like it was not all a joke!

Us

When I am down and depressed and nothing around seems working right, there’s one medicine that makes me feel better; I will myself to think about ‘us’ and the times that we have spent together. As the memories come streaming in, a slow smile gradually creeps in and I feel better. When I get tired after a hard day and try looking for reason as to why the hell should I move on to the next day, then there’s one dream that gives me the reason to carry on, that of ‘us’ coming together again……all five of us. At this moment we are spread in 4 different places – 3 different countries and 4 different cities in all. We are still very much in touch with each other, but nothing compares to the blast we have when we all get together, each of us weirdoes in our own unique ways. And anyway, phone and email are hardly replacements for meeting up in person!
What had initially brought us together in first year of college was our common habit of walking from college to the bus stop, a 25-30 mins walk…there were other modes of transport like auto etc obviously, but we preferred walking. That used to be our unwinding session after a ‘hard and tiring’ day in college. All types of totally silly, crappy and utterly nonsense observations, thoughts and ideas used to be exchanged. There used to be a lot of other friends too then…Whether it would be a hot summer afternoon or a stormy day, examination day or not, we would never take the 5 mins auto ride, but walk all the way back. I am not too good as far as road sense is concerned, and my friends used to be (infact still are) my guide. They would grumble at my lack of road sense and at the same time make sure that I reach home safely.
There’s a saying that it takes a lot of trust to share your dreams with somebody else. One reason why we enjoy each others company I guess is that, we trust each other with our dreams. We never thought twice before sharing any of our thoughts, never measured the length of what is being said. It feels so very comfortable and relaxing with them around, cause I can just be myself and stop bothering about everything else.
It’s not that everything has been rosy all the way so far. We are five different persons with five different brains after all. Just as we have been through highs together, we have also faced lows. Such lows that honestly, there have been times when I feared that maybe, this is it…there’s no getting back together…But surprisingly, we have come together again. I don’t regret those times either, cause I feel that it’s more because of the lows that we have faced, that we have come together stronger than ever. Now, after almost 6 and a half years of being together, I feel confident (and I think the others feel the same way too) that no matter what happens, we will stick together and that even if I err, I won’t be misunderstood. It’s easy to say such things, but it takes years to build up this belief and the confidence and sense of security that this belief gives is immense.

I intend to force the other four to read this, since this post is for them. But I have serious doubts if I’ll be successful. Three of us are avid readers, but other than me, of the other two, one is so busy that she hardly gets time to eat and sleep….. and the other one is suffering from serious lack of concentration in everything these days as it’s summer in the country he is now in, and it seems, women there feel the heat a bit too much :-p! Now, of the other two left, the one in US does have this ambition that someday, someway he will read something…but that ambition has not been satisfied yet. And as for the other one, the last book read was Rapunzel!

Prelude

There’s a big screen in City Center which shows some channel or the other and countless people sit and keep watching whatever is shown… That day I discovered that they also show some other stuff. While I was returning I saw two smiling male faces on that huge screen, with a message written which went on something like this ‘I feel blessed to have friends like you’. The lady I was with pointed out that those two guys were sitting on a step, with a friend, and watching the screen with big surprised eyes. Obviously, their friend had done this to surprise them on their birthday.
At that moment I missed all my friends terribly, and at the same time I complained to my colleague that ‘I wish my friends did something like this to surprise me’.
Later, I made a conscious effort to count the number of times they have surprised me or made a moment memorable… I started remembering so many things, that after a while I simply lost count… True, they had never surprised me by posting any message onscreen, but they have surprised me numerous times with their concerns for me and with their patience in listening to every stupid little thing that I had to say. Touched me numerous times by spoiling me, by going out of their way to make me feel wanted and have made so many memorable moments in the process that they are enough to sustain me for an entire lifetime.
Then, I made an attempt to think what I have done for them. I discovered that I could not remember doing anything worthwhile, except for blabbering nonsense. I also never thanked them for all those precious moments, nor have I ever tried proving how much I treasured and needed their being beside me. Surprisingly, at this moment, almost all my close friends are out of city…. Some in a different country on business, some away in different city for studies and some even farther away… Since the past few days I have suddenly been feeling this urge to thank them and tell them how much they mean to me… This again is so against my nature that I don’t have any idea as to how it is to be done. So I will take an easy way out. My next post(s) will be a tribute to those friends who still, fortunately, tolerate me… and, maybe, also to the ones who have stopped doing so… Let’s see, if I can bribe those still beside me, in tolerating me for some more time!

Poems

I can't believe my luck! I could log into my blog from office!... I was reading two of my favourite poems and am going to paste an excerpt of each here. First one is famous, so no points if you can guess the poem and author. Here it is...

"IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: ..."

The second one is uncommon, though I am sure all of us have come across it sometime or the other. If you can guess the source of this poem (without googling), then give yourself full marks.
NB : I think you are old enough to define what ‘full’ means to you.
Warning : Don’t try to decipher the meaning of this poem.

They told me you had been to her, And mentioned me to him : She gave me a good character, But said I could not swim.
He sent them word I had not gone (We know it to be true): If she should push the matter on, What would become of you?
.
.
If I or she should chance to be Involved in this affair, He trusts to you to set them free, Exactly as we were.
.
Don't let him know she liked them best, For this must ever be A secret, kept from all the rest, Between yourself and me.

I think......

It feels great and powerful and important to have a blog! I mean, I am not a celebrity or something, so my words and thoughts are not of any importance to newspapers and news channels. So what? If I have got something to say to the entttttire world, I can always do so! How? Through my blog of course! This is my space….I don’t have any idea if anybody will actually read it…Nevertheless, this space is accessible to everybody and they can always read if they want to. That’s enough. And who knows, if I become famous (or infamous) someday, my blog will also become famous! Wow, what an exciting thought!
Again, unlike news channels and news papers and stuff, you do not have the burden to be politically correct in your blog…For example, I don’t have to think twice before saying that I think all politicians are frustrated in their personal lives, and they take out their frustrations on common people. I can always write that here, just like I can also write that I simply hate Amitabh Bachchan’s interviews, he tries to be sooooo diplomatic that I start feeling nauseated! I also feel that it’s high time Pepsi starts recruiting new creative talents (like me) for making their ads. All their latest ones are in one word crap and I should mention that I feel like hanging those idiots who closed the airport restrooms today in support of the bandh. Uncivilized people.
Am I hurting you with my thoughts?
Ok, I am not sorry, please click the ‘Next Blog’ link at the top left hand corner.
Oh yes, now that I am speaking my mind I must say that I think the center should ban all the reality shows that require sms polling. Every participant, judge and show organizer knows that finally, the wrong person is going to be voted to be the winner, yet money making is so important that they don’t change the format! Sometimes I feel, incase the right and deserving person wins, then there must have been something wrong with the shows publicity campaign!!! What a noble thought! I simply don’t understand why people always vote for the wrong things like wrong participant, wrong political party (to mention a few relatively simple and tangible wrongs). The people I interact with seem sensible to me, logically speaking they represent a cross section of the people who vote. But voting results are always wrong, does this imply that all the people I do not interact with are stupid? Or are they stupid because I don’t interact with them? What the hell am I saying! Perfect nonsense I guess. Well, it’s my blog and I can say anything.!

I wish I could write in bengali also, that is without having to take pains to install some language software and also without having to worry how to reflect the Bengali letters in the webpage. I think a few things cannot be expressed as effectively in any other language other than ones own mother tongue. And it’s not only effectiveness, a few things I don’t feel like saying only if not in Bengali…

I was hoping that tomorrow’s bandh will get called off and I don’t have to go to office at 5:30am tomorrow…what on earth am I going to do that early in office I don’t know!

Infact, I was almost sure that tomorrow’s bandh will be cancelled, seeing the problems faced today and anyways theres no point in calling bandh on two consecutive days on the same issue. But didi always manages to exceed expectations. Dada’s too sometimes do a few intelligent things. And I am not talking about Saurav Ganguly. A news channel headline that I saw an hour before said ‘Biman Bose has requested Mamata to withdraw tomorrows bandh’. In other words, by doing this he ensured that the bandh will not be withdrawn. Probably these dada(s) are wicked enough to know that didi would become more popular by calling off the bandh than by implementing it. But, as I said before, didi has an intellect beyond our expectation and comprehension…

Anyways, enough of my delirious revelries, for the time being that is….

Jodha Akbar

Apart from two scenes, I found the cinema flawless. I saw the film months after its release and so by that time I had read reviews in every newspaper I came across and heard about it from almost every person I came across. There were a few 'good's, but mostly 'ok's. Normally with such reviews, I don't have any further interest in the movie. But this time, there was a slight difference. I was waiting to watch the movie as one person, my most reliable source, had said that the movie was wonderful. And it was worth the wait, cause I was absolutely spellbound by the movie.

I did not find it even a bit too long. Every scene was justified. I had heard that since it was a film based mainly on the relationship of Jodha Bai and Akbar, hence the other war-strategy-politics scenes could have been kept short. But I don't think so. A man in love is very different from the same man at every other aspect of life. To understand one role, it is necessary that one also has glimpses of the other, hence the necessity of those non-romantic shots. The same man who throws his own blood relative off the roof, until he dies, is also capable of putting unshakable faith in God and at the same time capable of loving a woman hopelessly.

I had goose bumps when I saw the ‘Khwaja’ song, specially the place where all the singers get up and start moving in rounds, one hand pointing up hailing peace from heaven and one hand pointing down, directing the peace to earth. I had been told about the meaning of the gesture before, that’s why I think I could enjoy it more. The light shining from heaven was a bit unnecessary maybe, but it was not overdone.

What I found most attractive in the movie is the subtlety depicted in many of the scenes. The scene in which Akbar asks to be served in the same plate in which Jodha Bai had tasted the food is one of the most romantic scenes that I have seen in recent times. The sword fight between Akbar and Jodha was another of those subtle romantic scenes.

That’s why I was a bit disappointed when an elaborate ‘touchy’ love scene was shown with a song (when Jodha came back from her parent’s place). This is one of the places of the movie, that I mentioned in the beginning of this article, that I did not like. When things can be said more eloquently with eyes, then actual contact need not be shown. The other scene which I thought was a bit overdone was the scene where a bare bodied Akbar tries to impress Jodha with his sword skills. Yes, I must agree it was a pleasure to watch Hrithik that way and it was perhaps an effort to commercialize the film, but ‘Akbar’ doing that is a bit odd. Love has it’s own ways of expression though, so I won’t be surprised if some old manuscript drawing showing Akbar actually doing that is unearthed some day! But surely, this is not something that Ashutosh Gowarikar would have known!

The music and background was awesome, very soothing and very subtle (again ). Since music and background score of the film was the only part that had been unanimously applauded, so my expectation was very high. I think the music added character to the film; to some extent it provided an identity to the film.

I did want to watch this movie in big screen. The elaborate set, costume and battle sequences would have looked much better there. But, all my friends had already seen it. So, I had to do with a DVD from my locality’s DVD parlor.

And now, Mr Hrithik Roshan, if you are reading his then here comes the biggest compliment that you might ever receive.
My uncle’s 5 year old daughter had come and we were watching the film together. She, like any kid had too many questions to ask. For example, towards the end of the sword fight between Jodha and Akbar when they stand for quite a few seconds very close to each other, with Jodha’s back rested against a pillar, their swords (and eyes) locked, my little cousin looked at me and asked ‘why are they breathing so hard?’.
Now she made an observation. I had explained to her that it was the young boy shown in the first battle who grew up to be Hrithik. She kept quite for some time then remarked ‘the young boy has grown up to be a very handsome man’!!!! Then she kept quite for some more time and then as if in continuation to what she had earlier remarked said ‘it’s the way he talks and the way the swelling in his neck (read adam’s apple) moves, that makes him all the more handsome’!!! I really don’t think Hrithik Roshan will ever receive any compliment as big as this.

Just another evening...

It was a full moon night and the sky was clear. a light, pleasant breeze was blowing. The entire stretch of water and thin wisps of land that lay in between, was bathed in white light. Sometimes, light cotton like grey clouds would float over the moon partially covering it. I was standing at my favorite spot, with my back rested against a pillar, taking in the beauty that lay in front of me. The moonlight shone on the water surface and the wind made patterns on the shimmering water. I had been standing that way for around half an hour, but still could not have enough of the ambience. As if to add to the beauty, the vast canopy of sky above me cracked with a lightning. The vein like pattern of lightning engulfed almost the entire sky. Gradually the clouds thickened, at times hiding the moon for a couple of minutes. I would keep staring at the spot I knew the moon was hiding and wait desperately for it to come out again. The wind had also become stronger, the lightening had become more frequent, the water was changing patterns in a jiffy and the moon had become busy playing hide and seek. In short, the still picture had become dynamic and I knew what was coming. I could anticipate the direction it was coming from, from the wind direction and I looked in that direction, waiting for it to arrive. My wait was short. I had never before seen a storm approaching and I looked at it with awe. The horizon had become blurred with swirling dust. The small paper pieces and dead leaves that were lying around me were already moving in circular motion. Soon I could also hear it approaching making the kind of eerie whistling and howling sound that they show on TV. The wind had become strong and I was wondering if I should leave, but at the same time I was unable to tear myself away from the fury I was witnessing. I held on to the pillar and kept watching. All of a sudden a strong gust of wind kind of blew me away. I was surprised by the force. The force of wind against my face was so strong that it was becoming difficult to breathe. The entire scenery in front of me was in a chaos. The wind had carved a hollow in the middle of the water body and the moon was no longer visible. I took in the beauty around me one last time and left my shelter behind the pillar to leave. The wind was so strong that every moment I felt like I would be blown away. I managed to reach the door, but the suction effect created by the wind was so strong that I could not budge the door. After a few minutes the wind paused for a second, as if to catch its breath, and the door opened.

I wrote this detailed account just because I would not like to forget any part of that wonderful evening, not only during the storm, but also before it. Such beauty makes one forget all worries and pains. At that moment I felt like forgiving myself for all the wrongs that I have done, I felt like forgiving my closed ones for all the times they have hurt me. I felt kind of liberated, as if every thing around me was trivial. As if the only thing that would last was the beauty around me. And nothing else mattered.

Shift + Del

It amuses me every time I hit shift + Del in my computer. A few seconds, and every thing is lost. No matter how large a file is, no matter how much time it took to create it, when it comes to deleting it, it takes hardly a few seconds. And this deletion principle is valid not only in computers, but in all spheres of life. It might have taken somebody a lifetime to build up a reputation, a respectable position in society…one rumor, irrespective of whether the rumors are valid or not, and the position is lost. Respect, position are all intangible things, and I think it is much more difficult to rebuild intangible things than tangible ones as there’s no way that you can ever measure and see whether you have built enough. Not that it’s easy to build tangible things. It might have taken a person immeasurable sweat and blood to build up a business…one short circuit, a few hours and a lifetime’s effort is lost in flames.
There’s one exception to this shift + del principle though. ..Memories. Infact in most cases the principle is reverse as far as memories are concerned. It doesn’t take a lifetime to have a ‘ memorable memory’. One moment is all that is needed. One smile, one tear, one unguarded moment, one evening with close friends, one wrong word…. and the image (or maybe I should say the video) is made in mind. No matter how much we try to delete, it takes its own sweet time to fade, sometimes it stays forever. Infact the more we try to delete it, the more that memory engulfs us until we all finally learn to live with it.

Perfect timing

There have been times in the last month and a half when I have been busy like crazy and other times when I have had ample of time to myself. Whenever I have had time I have thought about writing something in my blog or maybe for our office magazine, but nothing would come to my mind. Not that I am short of ideas, I have plenty of them. The problem is, they come only when I am too busy with other stuff and hence unable to write. At times like this I have even thought about jotting down whatever comes to my mind for future reference. Most of the times I am too lazy to get a paper, and the few of the times when I have managed to jot down, the paper gets lost miraculously when I try looking for it only to re-appear again when I am busy with something else.. For example, I should have been fast asleep now since I have to get up very early tomorrow morning, but my mind is almost 'bursting' with ideas. I'l probably be skinned alive if found awake..so I'l go to sleep now and hopefully will write soon since, as I already said, I am full of ideas now.. (which also directly concludes that I am very busy these days :) )

Growing up...with respect to myself

The other day I came a bit late to office. It was around 11:15 and I was hungry. Now 11:15 is neither breakfast nor lunch time. It's sort of an in-between time. I have quite a few friends here in office, but I didn’t feel like disturbing any of them. I went to the canteen ordered my lunch and ate it with leisure. Infact, I was enjoying my solitude so much that it took me almost double the time I normally take to finish my lunch. Almost all the while I was conversing with myself, rest of the time I was simply taking in the activity around me. Inspite of the hustle bustle around me I was at peace with myself. It was then that I thought how I have changed with time!

I am a quiet sort of a person and enjoy spending time with myself, but in private. When it comes to public life then things are quite different. When I was in college I would hate the times I had to be alone. I wanted to be seen with friends, wanted people to know that I too have friends like them. It was the same in school. By school I mean since around the time I was in class 5.

Before that the concept used to be different. In Lower and upper kindergarten our teachers would allot us our seats and whoever would sit beside me would become my best friend and perhaps the only friend. Our benches used to be long ones where almost 4 kids could fit in comfortably. I remember one parent teacher's meeting around the time I was in upper kindergarten. I introduced the girl, who used to sit next to me, to my parents as my best friend. She on the other hand introduced the girl who used to sit on her other side as her best friend. It never occurred to me that if I think of somebody as my best friend then it is desirable that the feeling is reciprocated. Now when I look back, that is the ideal kind of friendship one can imagine of, where you don't expect anything from the other person.

Since class 5 things started becoming a bit different. I didn't take it for granted that the person I am made to sit beside has to be my best friend. Infact in class 6 when we were given the freedom to choose our partners then almost everybody rearranged like i did and sat beside their best friends. I use the word 'best friend' so many times because at that time it was the most important word in our social life. If you have a 'best friend’, mind you not just friends, then you have a status, a recognition. Almost every year there would be a bit of shuffling among the students in different sections that would put our social lives in complete chaos. In those times being in a different section (different section necessarily used to be adjacent rooms) meant being far away!!

Things did change as we grew up. By the time we were in class 9 we had a big group of 12 and we had lots and lots of fun together. By that time the concept had again changed, from less is more it had become the more the merrier. So there were different phases, but i could not picture myself alone in any of these phases. I had to be seen with friends. At that time around I wasn’t comfortable with myself. I would admire seniors and wish i could be like them. My acceptance for myself was directly proportional to the way my friends accepted me.

By the time I was in college I was a bit more comfortable with myself, at least I didn’t want to be someone else. I was sort of ok with myself but not totally. In college status had a different meaning. Status meant having a boyfriend. It was amusing to watch the way people around me shifted from one boyfriend to another. I used to admire them somewhat, perhaps coz I could never achieve that status myself! I had a few very good friends and I was comfortable with them, but again, I was not comfortable being alone and whenever I would be alone I would become a bit conscious.

I really cannot identify one particular time when things started changing. And anyways, changes like these hardly happen consciously. Now I am comfortable with the person I am. I know myself a lot better. I know my faults and shortcomings and I am no longer uncomfortable about them. Most importantly I am no longer afraid of being alone. I had realized long ago that it is impossible to always have friends beside me, being far away no longer means being in adjacent rooms. But now when I go through such times I don't feel gloomy, instead I enjoy being with myself.

Priceless Tips To Feel More Free This Independence Day.

Do's

1. Go to your nearest Shopping Mall and shop specifically those articles which give something free with it. Sort of 'Buy 1 get 1 free'. If you search properly you might also get objects where you buy 1 and get 3 free. Go for those. The more 'free' you get, the happier you will feel.

2. For non-IT people: Get a chair, drag it to a corner (preferably facing a wall) and sit still for as long as you can (at least for 2 hours at a stretch). Then go to your balcony, take a deep breath. Does it not feel wonderful to be free?
For IT professionals: Since you do this exercise for the better part of every day, you can skip this. Infact you can supervise your non-IT folks when they do it. After all no one knows the rules of this game better than you!

3. Collect as many mattresses as you can from your neighbors, arrange the mattresses at the base of a high rise, climb to the rooftop, and position yourself at the edge below which you have placed the mattresses. Then with your head held high and hands spread out jump off. Free-falling is not only a very 'in' thing to do (must have seen all superheroes do it in the movies), but also gives a wonderful sensation of feeling as light and free as a bird. You can also tip off some news channel . That way, at the end of the day, you will not only get a wonderful experience but also nationwide sympathy (remember the live footage of a girl trying to jump off the roof?)

4. Are you angry or displeased with somebody? Do you feel blood rushing to your face whenever you meet one specific person. Lets call this person 'target'. Well this independence day round up your target at some street corner and give him a free-kick. Or you might also go for free-style punches too. Whichever way you are comfortable.

5. Watch Born Free. This 1966 film, with a lion as a central character establishes the fact that freedom is a state of mind. You can have all the freedom in the world but not be free. On the other hand you can be tied down and yet be free. It's all in the mind.

Don'ts

1. Please don’t watch Independence Day Related films. The rifle shots, bomb explosions, freedom cries (or rather patriotic howls) depicted in these movies causes too much of sound pollution.

2. Don't give free smiles to anybody and everybody around you. This isn't exactly 1AD where you get a smile or maybe a good turn in return for your smile. You might also get a wink or a comment or a whistle for free, needless to say, none of them very desirable.

3. Incase you manage to get slapped on one cheek don't even think of following Gandhigiri and extending your other cheek also, for free, to get slapped. The ‘bhai log's’ these days practice a lot of body building. One more slap and you might go straight up to Mahatma himself.

4. It's advisable that you don't schedule any picnic this independence day. Reasons are as follows
a. Some political party might grab the opportunity to call a bandh or strike or political meeting or procession, in short whatever causes the maximum chaos.
b. Even if there aren't any political unrest, 99.99% chances are that you won't get any square millimetre patch of green grass/concrete free on that day at any ‘picnic'able’ place. Sometimes, I feel Independence Day should be renamed as 'Picnic day'. So only if there’s a provision for booking a picnic spot beforehand then go ahead with your picnic plan, though even then chances are that the concerned booking person will be bribed by some other party at the last moment.

5. Lastly, kindly don't make national flags out of paper or cloth either for yourself or your kids. You might be charged/arrested for using our national flag for the wrong reason. Naturally imprisonment, publicity, nationwide concern and finally SMS poll will follow. We are honestly tired sms'ing for every goddamn reason. Give us a break!






Disclaimer Text: 1. Follow the above DO's and DONT's at your own risk.
2. If you get any positive result the author takes full
credit of that.Incase of any unfavourable result
please refer to disclaimer no 1.

Thumbs UP Guys..

Even in times like this when all that happens around us is murders, bomb blasts, floods and scams, a few good things also happen that touches your senses and makes you hopeful for the future.
Recently I have noticed that quite a few guys have started using perfumes and deos. It's amazing that atleast some guys have realized that theres nothing manly in smelling like a rhino and that it is important to smell good for the benefit of people around you. Guys, please keep up the good work.
So you see good things do happen even now! Just keep your eyes (or maybe noses) open.

Cheers!!

Got a charger??

I had lent my mobile charger to a colleague one friday, who forgot to return it to me and thus I was left without a charger for the weekend. When my mobile started giving 'battery low' signals, I went to my next door neighbour's place in search of a charger.
Uncle opened the door, I told him that in case he used a Nokia set I would like to have the charger for a while. He said he wasn't aware of what set he used and immediately went in to get his mobile. After a minute's invetigation he said his was a 'Hutch' mobile, so his charger would be of no use to me.
Before I could say anything aunty came out and asked what the confusion was about. When uncle explained to her she too went in search of her mobile and after a carefull investigation she too expressed that her charger would also be of no use as it was an 'Airtel' mobile.
By that time I had seen that both used Nokia sets. So I asked uncle if I could take his 'Hutch' charger for a while and see if I could somehow manage with it. Uncle was only too happy to be of some help atleast. He got me his hutch charger and I hastily took leave.
Later when I informed him that his hutch charger worked fine with my nokia mobile, needless to say both uncle and aunty were awestruck with the advancement technology has made.

thought process...

I was discussing with a friend of mine that I don't have anything to write in my blog. My friend said that "it's actually like your scrapbook, write whatever comes to your mind". So incase you feel mad after reading any of the following, you know who to blame.

Thought 1:

I am on a self-imposed diet control plan. No, I am not fat, I am dieting to maintain my figure. I was in the canteen for a longish coffee break and 'chanced' to see what’s on menu today for lunch. One of my favorites, Mutton Chap. There's a war going on between my heart and mind since then. Following is an excerpt from the very closely fought battle.

heart: it's ok if u have lunch for one day. One day will hardly make any difference.
mind:u've been saying that since last week Tuesday!! Think of all that you had for lunch since last Tuesday. how could you even think of mutton again!

heart: yeah, guess you are right. It's just that you don't have to have the entire plate. Have some and.... well, throw the rest.
mind: u seriously think u can 'have some, throw rest' !
(I know a vast majority of Indian population goes without one square meal a day, I don't throw food either...no harm thinking).

heart: Mallika (name changed without request) is also having mutton. You think she would have had if it was that bad.
mind: Oh God! Forgot to ask her where she got that shoe from.

heart: what about lunch then....
mind: won't get that item if you go now. Coupons get over by 1:45. it's 1:48 now.

(The above drama also had musical accompaniment. That of my growling stomach.)


Thought 2:

Is it okay to post anonymous comments on your own blog....Just 1 comment so far, that too from a friend, whom I had threatened with dire consequences if he did not read my blog, and more importantly comment.


Thought 3: (Just occurred)

Why is it "Labels for this post:e.g. scooters, vacation, fall " . Why 'scooter','vacation' or 'fall' .Was the writer also going through a 'mental-block-phase' like me....or maybe the designers wanted to convey the message that you can write about just anything, everything is worth mentioning.


Thought 4:

I will have grilled chicken sandwich and juice for snacks.

Cause of the because

I honestly had no intention of being 'different' or 'out of the box' when I named my blogspot url as 'will miss the bus'.

Llike 90% of other s/w enggs, I too have no work 60% of the times. I was going through some blog links that a few kind hearted friends had mailed me to help me pass my time. Most of them were from IIM students or passouts, others from a large variety of professionals. I enjoyed them so much that i decided to start a blog of my own. There was (and still is)...a little problem though. I didn't (and still don't) have anything to write.

By the time I decided that I would start a blog of my own, it was already time for luncheon and by the time i finally clicked the 'create blog' option it was already 4pm(post lunch nap is essential for my health!). I couldn't think of a proper heading for my blog, so I named it 'Whats in a name' (I think thats philosophical enough though). After much deliberation I finally decided to keep my name as the url , but apparently somebody else also has a blogspot by that name. I tried a lot of permutation and combination with the letters, until my name was looking like the names of one of those filmstars(or tvstars) with too many extra alphabets, but still kept on getting the message that some other person has also tried the same permutation and combination. I finally gave up the idea and for the next one hour (I am not exaggerating) tried out scores of creative, common place and arbid names (in that order). None of them were available. I have seldom felt so frustrated before, I mean what the heck, any stupid name I think of , someone else has already been stupid enough to think of before! Finally, it was time for the office bus to leave. As a last ditch effort I typed 'will miss the bus' and pressed continue. It worked. Apparently nobody had missed the bus before.